I feel very peaceful this evening, my surroundings might not be perfect but all my relationships are very harmanious, peaceful and friendly.
Throughout the first week in France I was frightened, ending took place to those very close to my heart and forced retreat but as I sat and pondered close to the ocean breeze, understanding emerged in my heart, clarity of my own feelings evolved and I could look deeper into my situations. Ahhh I love and miss everybody in Milan and Ronchi78, I even realised a greater understanding and love for Monkey man, no matter what they ever confess, what wrong or good they do towards myself or others, no high or low positions they may be in, I can never love them any less. They are my family, perhaps not in blood but much deeper. They are all beautiful people and always will be.
I love Milan and miss Milan, I love and miss the statues, the buildings and the calmnes and love the City embraces me with, the love and need for my activist deeds in Milan are devinely inspired and I pray that all homeless there has a place to sleep tonight.
Marseille is beautiful yet not safe enough for me walking around giving people gratitude stones, warm blankets or any encouragement. Yet I could take time to reflect upon myself close to the healing effects of the ocean to look deeper into my own heart and for my own personal growth.
As I was reflecting upon what has been and happened I worked and healed through the confusion and different emotions, peacefulnes arose in me once again.
We can plan our lives and futures yet how do we forsee, plan or control miracles, I tried once upon a time to be in control, to plan every step and I was only stressed, I believed that I needed things and powerful positions to give me freedom, truth peacefulness and true love.
I remeber trying harder every day, sleepless nights with the vision of being the most loved, powerful and succesful person, sometimes I was not kind to people, I did not pay attention to people, I judged people by appearance, wealth and status yet I was not happy inside.
I remeber sitting the one day at the ocean, on the rocks looking at the large waves breaking and I started to pay close attention to the seagulls. Some seagulls were already satisfied with the black mussles they had consumed and new seagulls were extremely hungry. They picked the mussles from the rocks, flew it upwards and allowed it to fall, to break against the rocks and then eat, every single seagull had a different way, some that were full just played around. That day I asked myself how much do I truly need because just looking and paying attention to the seagulls gave me more tranquility than anything I had. I aked myself why I was trying to be perfect when I am only human and have mistakes, I asked myself why I was trying to please people and seem important to people I didntt even know, that has their own lives and that does not really care about me.
That is the day when I started my journey of finding myself, what I truly want, what I truly need and what truly makes me happy. We can have all yet things do not provide love, comfort, truth, peace, acceptance or understanding.
What we want and need is already given to us, that is air, nature, friends and family.
Sometimes one need to pause for a moment and realise what is truly important, that is is health, family and our true friends.
I cannot be dishonesst and tell someone I care about what they want to hear, I can only speak my truth, because with truth comes clarity, understanding and healing.
What you want or what you think you want and desrerve or believe is what you are living at this moment. Want the best for yourself as well as your loved ones, Want happiness, truth, clarity and peacefulnes and you will recieve it.
Life is actually very simple when you choose it to be. More will never be enough...
I wish you all a beautiful sleep with magical dreams....
My love always
