Chapter 3: Confession
"Oh dear!" I sighed; I was lost in the streets of Milan once again.... I was panic stricken at that moment, every street I turned into seemed unfamiliar and I felt like I was busy walking away from the Centre of the City. I stopped dead in my tracks and took a couple of deep breaths simply to recollect my thoughts. Somewhere in my memory I remembered a slight hint that was told to me but when the advice was given at the time, I did not pay too much attention.
I remembered that I was told that when I found myself lost, I must simply follow the direction in which the Duomo is located because the Cathedral is the centre. Milan is like a circle. The Duomo being the centre of it and all and the little streets flow through and around it.
I then started to walk back towards where I came from and followed only one type of direction, within less than 15 minutes I found myself in a familiar street but I was not too positive, I walked and walked and there the statue of Leonardo Da Vinci stood. I sighed out loud in relief and I decided that all I wanted to do at that time was to sit peacefully inside of the Cathedral and feel serene.
My heart gave a leap of joy and I became incredibly peaceful as I entered the Duomo. I took a deep breath and walked slowly down the main isle then gently placed my little bottom down onto a long wooden bench. I was not feeling too happy at that time because I felt like I was lost, I had no idea how to stay in Milan forever and another day, and I started to feel discouraged. I had no idea where to begin.
I then had a light bulb moment; I decided with enthusiasm that I can start by becoming Catholic. I could not love the Duomo and not be Catholic, that would be loving half way, no no, so I made a decision to speak to a priest.
The only place I could find a priest was in the confession chambers. I stood up with a leap of joy and I waited in the confession line.
The confession line was incredibly long but I did not care because I was determined and positive. The meeting with the priest as well as the near future conversation was playing through my mind. I wondered what I was going to say to the priest, "Hello Mr Priest, I am South African and I want to stay in Milan forever, I love the Duomo, may I become catholic?", no no I thought to myself and erased that question from my mind completely, then I started again, "Buon Pommerriggio, I want to belong to this church, may I?", that did not sound convincing either to myself, I sighed and decided that I am just going to speak when I get into the confession chambers without planning it.
After I concluded my thoughts I started to pay attention to the people that was in the line of the confession and I was shocked. People were morbid, crying and praying silently to themselves. It looked like these people were carrying around heavy burdens in their hearts and was about to die from guilt. I have never seen that before and I felt sad for them. I tried to hide my smile and pretend that I was also waiting in the line for a sin confessing purpose.
I turned around and saw two young girls in tears, I felt bad, even though I have been waiting in the line for more than an hour I felt it to be a good decision to allow these two girls to enter before me. I did just that and waited for another half an hour.
Phew, finally it was my turn and excitement rushed through my spine, I felt somewhat nervous too but nothing could stop me, I was going to do this.
When I entered, I noticed how small the chambers were, there was an open chair for me to sit on and a table between myself and the priest. I stared into the eyes of this beautiful old priest that was already sitting there smiling at me, a true and heartfelt warm smile. I noticed that he had white robes on with gold printed around the sleeves and collar. He had silver light hair and he looked like an angel from heaven. His eyes were filled with light and compassion that fitted perfectly with his smile; he was a heavenly happy man. I sighed in relief thinking that this could not be so difficult after all.
I then started to speak and I noticed that his smile had broadened, it had to be because of the tone of my voice and it looked as if he was trying to refrain from laughing. It did not concern me at all; any smile is wonderful.
"il mio nome e Marilette", I told him, unfortunately it was the only Italian I knew at that time apart from greeting. "I love Milan and the Duomo soooo much, I am South African and I want to stay here forever, may I please belong to this church?" His smile widened more nodding his head in approval and I felt so happy that I could shoot out of the chambers like a rocket, "Si, si, pregare a Madre Maria."
I suddenly felt confused and my facial expressions had shown it because the priest suddenly looked confused too. I realized that I had no idea what this happy priest was saying and he could not speak English at all.
I tried to remember some key words that I have self-studied about Italian to have some form of communication with this priest and I tried my best to explain to him that I really wanted to join the church.
Every attempt trying to explain myself to him in some form of Italian had been a failed attempt; every response from him was a kind and joyful smile with approval telling me "Si, si, pregare a Madre Maria".
I had lost hope at that point and started to giggle with joy, what else could I do?
The priest started to laugh out loud too and we were sitting across each other simply laughing with joy, the more he laughed the more I laughed and it was quite wonderful.
I then stood up and he did too. I told him in English that I will learn Italian and return, "Si, si, pregare a Madre Maria." I gave a last little giggle and greeted him goodbye in Italian. I opened the chamber door and the line had become longer but all attention had been directed to me. Everyone stared at me in shock and confusion. "Oh goodness, did we laugh that loud in there?” I thought to myself.
I passed the line and people were still staring at me turning their heads as I walked past them.
I could understand their confusion; it is not every day that you hear giggles coming from a confession chamber.
The line started to follow me and I became paranoid, I stopped and turned around when I then noticed that the priest had retreated for the day and the people were forming a new line on the opposite side of the confession chambers.
The priest probably had to go for a bathroom break or something; we did laugh from our stomachs quite a bit.
After my confession, also not being able to communicate in Ronchi78, I realised that it was very important to learn how to speak and write Italian. It is not possible to live in Milan without talking the Italian language.
At that moment I knew where to begin to be able to stay with my heart forever, I had to find an Italian school and I was going to do just that.
My metro journey back to my hotel was different than usual; I saw how so many people looked somewhat depressed and sad in the metro train. My heart felt sad for these people, I felt a compassion for them and I started to pray for my fellow passengers silently. After my prayer I noticed that I had been rooted looking at everyone in a peaceful, true and compassionate smile and they were all smiling back at me as if in hope.
Some young men were staring at me smiling but they looked more like they were staring at me passionately and for this reason I had to stop smiling, still remembering Mr Passion on the other train!
I looked a little closer at an advertisement pasted onto the top of the train door and I saw that it was an advertisement for an Italian Language school. I took my phone out and saved the contact details and felt more optimistic than I had been for a long time; I was determined to learn the language.
Entering my hotel room, I did not let one second go to waste. In a flash I was on my notebook applying for my Italian school. The name of the school is the IH language school and I e-mailed them. They replied almost immediately and because I was already in Milan, they told me to personally come to the school the next day. My heart was fluttering because I manifested at least one thing that day. I started to relax and feel more at ease because there is always something new and positive on the horizon that we cannot yet see.
"Oh dear!" I sighed; I was lost in the streets of Milan once again.... I was panic stricken at that moment, every street I turned into seemed unfamiliar and I felt like I was busy walking away from the Centre of the City. I stopped dead in my tracks and took a couple of deep breaths simply to recollect my thoughts. Somewhere in my memory I remembered a slight hint that was told to me but when the advice was given at the time, I did not pay too much attention.
I remembered that I was told that when I found myself lost, I must simply follow the direction in which the Duomo is located because the Cathedral is the centre. Milan is like a circle. The Duomo being the centre of it and all and the little streets flow through and around it.
I then started to walk back towards where I came from and followed only one type of direction, within less than 15 minutes I found myself in a familiar street but I was not too positive, I walked and walked and there the statue of Leonardo Da Vinci stood. I sighed out loud in relief and I decided that all I wanted to do at that time was to sit peacefully inside of the Cathedral and feel serene.
My heart gave a leap of joy and I became incredibly peaceful as I entered the Duomo. I took a deep breath and walked slowly down the main isle then gently placed my little bottom down onto a long wooden bench. I was not feeling too happy at that time because I felt like I was lost, I had no idea how to stay in Milan forever and another day, and I started to feel discouraged. I had no idea where to begin.
I then had a light bulb moment; I decided with enthusiasm that I can start by becoming Catholic. I could not love the Duomo and not be Catholic, that would be loving half way, no no, so I made a decision to speak to a priest.
The only place I could find a priest was in the confession chambers. I stood up with a leap of joy and I waited in the confession line.
The confession line was incredibly long but I did not care because I was determined and positive. The meeting with the priest as well as the near future conversation was playing through my mind. I wondered what I was going to say to the priest, "Hello Mr Priest, I am South African and I want to stay in Milan forever, I love the Duomo, may I become catholic?", no no I thought to myself and erased that question from my mind completely, then I started again, "Buon Pommerriggio, I want to belong to this church, may I?", that did not sound convincing either to myself, I sighed and decided that I am just going to speak when I get into the confession chambers without planning it.
After I concluded my thoughts I started to pay attention to the people that was in the line of the confession and I was shocked. People were morbid, crying and praying silently to themselves. It looked like these people were carrying around heavy burdens in their hearts and was about to die from guilt. I have never seen that before and I felt sad for them. I tried to hide my smile and pretend that I was also waiting in the line for a sin confessing purpose.
I turned around and saw two young girls in tears, I felt bad, even though I have been waiting in the line for more than an hour I felt it to be a good decision to allow these two girls to enter before me. I did just that and waited for another half an hour.
Phew, finally it was my turn and excitement rushed through my spine, I felt somewhat nervous too but nothing could stop me, I was going to do this.
When I entered, I noticed how small the chambers were, there was an open chair for me to sit on and a table between myself and the priest. I stared into the eyes of this beautiful old priest that was already sitting there smiling at me, a true and heartfelt warm smile. I noticed that he had white robes on with gold printed around the sleeves and collar. He had silver light hair and he looked like an angel from heaven. His eyes were filled with light and compassion that fitted perfectly with his smile; he was a heavenly happy man. I sighed in relief thinking that this could not be so difficult after all.
I then started to speak and I noticed that his smile had broadened, it had to be because of the tone of my voice and it looked as if he was trying to refrain from laughing. It did not concern me at all; any smile is wonderful.
"il mio nome e Marilette", I told him, unfortunately it was the only Italian I knew at that time apart from greeting. "I love Milan and the Duomo soooo much, I am South African and I want to stay here forever, may I please belong to this church?" His smile widened more nodding his head in approval and I felt so happy that I could shoot out of the chambers like a rocket, "Si, si, pregare a Madre Maria."
I suddenly felt confused and my facial expressions had shown it because the priest suddenly looked confused too. I realized that I had no idea what this happy priest was saying and he could not speak English at all.
I tried to remember some key words that I have self-studied about Italian to have some form of communication with this priest and I tried my best to explain to him that I really wanted to join the church.
Every attempt trying to explain myself to him in some form of Italian had been a failed attempt; every response from him was a kind and joyful smile with approval telling me "Si, si, pregare a Madre Maria".
I had lost hope at that point and started to giggle with joy, what else could I do?
The priest started to laugh out loud too and we were sitting across each other simply laughing with joy, the more he laughed the more I laughed and it was quite wonderful.
I then stood up and he did too. I told him in English that I will learn Italian and return, "Si, si, pregare a Madre Maria." I gave a last little giggle and greeted him goodbye in Italian. I opened the chamber door and the line had become longer but all attention had been directed to me. Everyone stared at me in shock and confusion. "Oh goodness, did we laugh that loud in there?” I thought to myself.
I passed the line and people were still staring at me turning their heads as I walked past them.
I could understand their confusion; it is not every day that you hear giggles coming from a confession chamber.
The line started to follow me and I became paranoid, I stopped and turned around when I then noticed that the priest had retreated for the day and the people were forming a new line on the opposite side of the confession chambers.
The priest probably had to go for a bathroom break or something; we did laugh from our stomachs quite a bit.
After my confession, also not being able to communicate in Ronchi78, I realised that it was very important to learn how to speak and write Italian. It is not possible to live in Milan without talking the Italian language.
At that moment I knew where to begin to be able to stay with my heart forever, I had to find an Italian school and I was going to do just that.
My metro journey back to my hotel was different than usual; I saw how so many people looked somewhat depressed and sad in the metro train. My heart felt sad for these people, I felt a compassion for them and I started to pray for my fellow passengers silently. After my prayer I noticed that I had been rooted looking at everyone in a peaceful, true and compassionate smile and they were all smiling back at me as if in hope.
Some young men were staring at me smiling but they looked more like they were staring at me passionately and for this reason I had to stop smiling, still remembering Mr Passion on the other train!
I looked a little closer at an advertisement pasted onto the top of the train door and I saw that it was an advertisement for an Italian Language school. I took my phone out and saved the contact details and felt more optimistic than I had been for a long time; I was determined to learn the language.
Entering my hotel room, I did not let one second go to waste. In a flash I was on my notebook applying for my Italian school. The name of the school is the IH language school and I e-mailed them. They replied almost immediately and because I was already in Milan, they told me to personally come to the school the next day. My heart was fluttering because I manifested at least one thing that day. I started to relax and feel more at ease because there is always something new and positive on the horizon that we cannot yet see.
